I listened to a great podcast today about dating and love. Mel Wells interviewed a love coach, she spoke about something, which really hit home. She said if you are not being authentic in your love life you probably have this problem in other areas of your life. For example, if you don’t think that you are worthy in love or you are trying to prove yourself in love, showing a certain side of yourself then you are probably projecting this in another area. For example work, you may have trouble saying no, taking on too much and have poor boundaries. Sound familiar?
I have been thinking about boundaries recently and how important they are for all areas of life. While I’m not a dating expert I can relate to what the love coach discussed. I felt so tingly I decided to grab my laptop and write a quick post. I too have done this, after having my son I worked extremely hard, I went back to university when he was only 9 months old. It was amazing to feed my mind, It was exhausting.
When we feel judged or we are judging ourselves we can adopt this type of behaviour in a way of proving ourselves. For example, I felt judged because I was a single parent, in all senses. I was very happy when I knew I was pregnant (which was straight away). Knowing I would soon have another person to care for gave me the added drive to create a better life for us both. I was driven by judgment.
Ultimately it came from a place of not feeling good enough. I wasn’t being kind to myself. I achieved so much and I’m extremely proud of this, however I feel I was bringing this feeling of not feeling good enough into my love life too, even though I was unaware of this.
I kept men at a distance or I just felt unable to give because I had too much going on. I did want to be in a couple and raise my son with someone, but I felt judged for being single, judged for being a single parent and judged if I said I wanted a relationship.
I recognise this is a mindset, or a pattern of behaviour.
Can you recognise patterns of behaviours in your life?
My pattern was a sense of self judgment and what others thought about me. It came from a place of not feeling good enough. I am simplifying this too. I did want to go back to University, I loved and still do love studying, I have always wanted to be a mother. Im also very ambitious.
I am however more aware of my thought patterns, my inner dialogue and behaviours now. I do attribute this to a lot of meditation, self work, inner exploration and self love. More importantly as I’ve got older I realise I need to give myself a break, as a woman and a mother. We are all under so much pressure to be the best and strive, yet we need to also congratulate ourselves. I care less about other people’s opinions now, the beauty of getting into your 40’s.
What obstacles are in your way?
Do you recognise any obstacles in your life in love or living your dream life. One thing this difficult time has taught me is we can’t control life. It’s messy and unpredictable and subject to change. It’s scary and it doesn’t always go to plan. What we can do is sit and listen to our intuition, delve into our shadow self and do the work so we can live our own version of a dream life and relationship 💕.