It’s ok to just be…

It really is ok, It’s ok to feel down, its ok to feel anxious, it’s ok. Yesterday I picked up my gratitude journal, it’s being a few days since I have written anything. I asked myself, what am I grateful for?

After I reflected for a few minutes I came to the following conclusion; I am grateful that I understand  that I’m exactly where I need to be right now; in this moment, I’m doing exactly what I need to be doing and that is ok.

I’m exactly where i need to be right now, and that is totally ok.

You may ponder and wonder why?  My health is an issue for me right now; including my mental health, which has suffered a lot over the past year.  

I  get really fatigued, and anxious.  I just don’t go out, or get up some days, often for multiple days at a time.  I often feel bad for this, judging myself,  today I thought no!, just stop judging your self and stop feeling bad because it really doesn’t help, in fact negative self talk and feeling bad when you already feel bad really, really doesn’t help at all!. YOU JUST FEEL WORSE!

The quote below is so apt for me. I wonder if it’s fear, if my self judgement is simply a by-product of fear, a subject I have touched upon previously (Fear, what it is to me)

You may be reading this post and thinking why feel bad?,  I feel a little context,  is needed…

I have been in bed for two days, apart from making food and washing up, I’ve pretty much stayed in bed since Sunday. (Today, the day I have posted is Wednesday and after falling to sleep until 2am i was up, showered and dressed) I have felt very fatigued with graves disease,which is an autoimmune condition, the condition attacks my thyroid.  I’m taking medication, however every part of ones body is controlled to a certain extent by the thyroid.  In particular, mood, energy, body temperature, metabolism amongst other things.

I was diagnosed last December and I was absolutely devastated, I cried for 2 months because I  thought I had made myself ill. I already suffer from the black dog , PTSD (diagnosed in March this year) and anxiety I really didn’t want to have further ill-health. Well roll on  10 months, I’m getting better, not totally better because I get bad days when I can’t get our of bed, or face the world. I have days when I feel so drained I just can’t move. However I also realise after lots of self-reflection and listening to my intuition this is me right now! Not in the past, not in the future but right now.

This takes me back to my main point, its ok because right now, I need to rest, stay in bed and relax, shut off and nourish myself.  I was sat with a cup of coffee, yes a simple pleasure, but you know it felt lovely,  I felt for those few minutes totally free from self judgement, negative self talk and I  realised,  It’s ok….

It’s what I need, and that’s ok

I hope your ok…

JP XX